Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need to align my fucking chakras
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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