If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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