Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
