READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
