and i looked up. we had an audience...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
