my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
