I look better un-naked...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
