On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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