I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
