I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
