She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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