the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
