i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
