I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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