This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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