We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
