So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
