Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
