I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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