she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think i got beer on your cat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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