I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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