i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
