I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
