Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
