Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
