Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
