I think I died a long time ago.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even my farts smell like vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
