You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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