Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
