i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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