I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
