this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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