Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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