puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
