Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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