Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
