literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
