; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
