i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
