Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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