mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
