Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
