It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
