The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
