i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
