the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
