I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
