I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
