worst night to have a conscience
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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