So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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