i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
